10 Must Read Dating Rules for Women
Let’s face it – sometimes men suck. We all want to find “Mr. Right”, but at times, it seems there’s no such thing. There is. It just takes a little work searching the right places. Of course, once you find “Mr. Right”, you better not screw things up. Or he will become someone else’s “Mr. Right”.
In my vast experience at online dating, I’ve learned quite a few things about men and how they respond to me. Not everything I’ve done has received a positive response. I have turned-off men that genuinely seemed to be interested in me. But I’ve learned from my mistakes and now my focus in contacting men is based on the following:
10 Rules for Responding to Men Online
1.Avoid saying the words and phrases that turn men off
For most, we want to find our soul mate. That’s what is constantly on our minds. Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily on his. You don’t even know this guy, why would you start talking about future plans? Men aren’t thinking about the future. That’s far too complex for them. They want to find a girl that they click with and can have a good time with. If that happens to turn into a long-term relationship, it’s a bonus.
The next no-no is to talk about sex. Yes, I realize sex is ALWAYS on a man’s mind. When he sees you, the first thing he will do is fantasize about taking you to bed. Let him fantasize. Once you start making sexy talk with a man, his only thoughts will be what he needs to do to get you in bed. And while this may come as a surprise, men actually do not tend to date women they sleep with soon after meeting. I know, shocker, hu? Yeah, well, it took me many years to learn this valuable lesson.
2.Shut up about your problems and bad luck
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will turn a guy off faster than a whiny girl. We have PMS, men screw us over all the time, and the only thing other guys want is to get in our pants. Tell him about it and he’ll put you on ignore faster than you can open your tampon wrapper. Always be positive.
3.Make him put in the effort
Stop responding to men that aren’t willing to personalize their email messages to you or do more than just send you a “wink”. If the message they send you has nothing to do with your profile, chances are he copied and pasted it. He’s a douchebag. You’re better than that. Make him work to get your attention.
4.Barely even respond to men with no profile pic
I’ve received hundreds of emails from men with no profile pics. What are they hiding? I simply say “send me a pic first”. If he doesn’t want to send me a pic, I’m certain he’s either just trolling me or he’s far too hideous for me to even consider.
5.Don’t respond to rude men
You wouldn’t believe some of the emails I’ve received from men. Some of them are guys I was actually interested in. My first response to an email is usually short. Occasionally this irritates men. Since men think they’re God’s gift to women, they think we should send them a 20 page synopsis on how awesome they are. If he’s offended by your short response…..DELETE!
6.Don’t chase men
If you send a guy an email and he doesn’t respond – move on. It either shows he’s not interested or doesn’t have the time for you. Either way, you’re better off without him.
7.If you haven’t spoken to him in a while, send a short, friendly message
Maybe there’s a guy you spoke to a while back and the two of you just never found time for each other, but you still think he’s a cool guy. Send him a “hi, I was thinking of you today..” email. It’s short, sweet, and might boost his confidence!
8.Don’t mention you saw his profile
When he contacts you, the attention should be focused on the topic of the email. Moving on to something different can be a turn-off. Acting like you’ve memorized his profile makes you seem desperate.
9.Talk about the topics he brings up
He emailed you. So don’t respond to an email asking about your interest in hiking by saying that you went to the same College and it’s, like, totally awesome and stuff! He saw your profile already. I’m sure he already knows you went to the same school.
10.Don’t contact him initially
Let him initiate contact at first. And only respond to his messages if they’re worthy of being responded to. “Hey, you’ve got a great ass” isn’t worthy of a response. Oh, and don’t respond to his messages right away. It makes you seem desperate. He’ll wonder if you’re just sitting around waiting for some guy to contact you.
Writing the RIGHT Profile to Attract the RIGHT Man
We all have our “type”. And we all want to avoid attracting men we’re not into. Yet, somehow, it seems like “Mr. Wrong” just keeps finding us. I’ve learned that, with online dating, it’s usually the woman’s fault that the guys we aren’t interested in are the only ones contacting us. Then we whine and complain to our girlfriends about how every guy is an asshole. Sure, that can be fun. But wouldn’t it be more fun to start dating the right men. It all starts with the profile. How we write our profile and the type of pictures we upload will impact the type of men that contact us.
Slutty photos attract men just looking to get laid
Hey, if you just want a guy to come use you for sex, that’s fine. I’m not here to judge. Besides, we all love sex. In that case, go ahead and post slutty photos of yourself. But for those that are seeking a long-term relationship, stick with an attractive, classy photo. Your picture says a lot about the type of woman you are. While you may want to flaunt your cleavage, doing so only brings out *MORE* perverts. A cute, face pic that doesn’t display your body says “I’m looking for love!” and you will attract men that are too.
Emphasize clearly what you’re looking for in a man
Do you want a guy that is looking for a long-term relationship? Do you want a guy that is taller than you? Whatever it is you desire in a man, you need to emphasize this in your profile. When guys search the member directory for women, they are often able to filter by common interests. And let’s say your profile is confusing about the type of guy you’re looking for and the type of relationship you are seeking. How would any guy know whether or not you are looking for the same things? They won’t. Be clear about who you are and what you’re looking for in a man. If you do, you’ll weed out the guys you are unlikely to be interested in.
You sometimes have to wonder if men can even read
I’ll be honest, I’ve received hundreds of emails from guys that clearly never read my profile. Maybe I’m being a bit arrogant here, but I make a guy work to get with me. I want to know right off the bat if they’re really interested specifically in me or if they’re just playing the numbers game and contacting every woman they find.
The best way to guarantee he read your profile is by asking a question either at the bottom or somewhere in the middle of your profile. It could be any random question such as what is 2 + 2? Bonus points if he doesn’t have to use a calculator to answer! If they want to get my digits, I want to know they’re truly after me and not just any girl. That may seem kind of childish, but I like feeling special. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the only one he’s contacting. Just because he sends me a personalized message doesn’t mean he didn’t send 18 other women a personalized message. But I want to feel like I’m not just another girl to him. You should too.
Similarities between online and offline dating
It’s more convenient and easier to meet someone online than offline. It’s much less intimidating. However, there are more similarities to the process than there are differences. Let’s take a look at those similarities:
- Dating is a “courtship”. The way men and women seek each other out is the same – just with a computer in front of us. Traditionally, the man aggressively seeks the woman out. Then we “court” him – size him up and see if he’s worthy of becoming our future Baby Daddy. I rarely chase men – online or offline. I enjoy being chased. If they want me, they better come and get me because I’m unlikely to be searching for them.
- We’re still looking for the same things. It doesn’t matter where you are – if you want nothing more than sex, that’s what you’ll go after. If you want a long-term relationship, that’s what you’ll go after. Being behind a computer doesn’t change those desires.
- You’re attracted to what you’re attracted to. Whether you’re seeking a mate online or offline, the type of guy you go after won’t change. If you absolutely refuse to date a short guy offline, you’re probably not going to even bother responding to some guy online whose profile indicates he’s 5’2”.
Don’t compromise your morals and desires
You want what you want and you believe in what you believe in. Never compromise. Seek out the men that share your common interests and want the same things out of a relationship. It’s impossible to completely avoid the creeps and the perverts, but if you clearly emphasize what qualities a man MUST HAVE, you’ll at least narrow down the field. This doesn’t make you snobby or stuck-up. It makes you confident and comfortable with who you are.
How to Instantly Grade the Men You Talk to Online
Sizing up men is a fun hobby. We do it every time we meet or see one. It’s in our blood to decide right away if that guy is worthy of our attention. Sure, to men, that seems snobby, but that’s the way they are. If they want us, their first impressions better be good (if there’s any men reading this, take note!). Sizing up men online is similar to offline, yet there are some differences.
When a guy walks up to you in a bar, you just “know” within a few seconds if you’re even going to give him a shot. You have the advantage of judging his body language. When a guy approaches us online, it’s a bit trickier to determine the type of guy he is. Emotions are often lost through Internet communications. So how do you determine if a guy is worth getting to know? Read on….
Don’t be a Grammar Nazi, but…
If his email is laced with misspelled words, poor grammar, childish humor, etc. – either ignore or send that man a link to a Grammar School. Don’t be a complete snob, however. A few mistakes here and there, we all make them. You do too. Now, if his occupation is Editor of a magazine, you have every reason to nitpick. Otherwise, only bring out your snobby side if it’s filled with grammar and spelling errors.
You’re the prize, he’s the competitor
There’s nothing I love more than making a man work to get me. I get off on the fun of it. Oh, sure, I should be above playing games, but it’s way too much fun. Besides, every guy knows – or should know – if they want to get with a girl, they best put on their boxing gloves (no, not literally). You are the prize. If he wants you, make him work to get you. Don’t just submit to him a day after chatting with him. Even if you do, he’s going to think you’re desperate. You may not realize this but men WANT to chase a girl they like. It’s just as fun to them as it is to us.
I need to clarify something here. I’m not advising you to “play” him or use him. That’s not a good way to get him to like you. Just be a little hard to get. When he emails you, don’t respond immediately. Wait at least a few hours. And don’t be afraid to ask him a ton of questions. If he won’t answer the questions then he doesn’t win his prize.
Knowing when a guy is a “player”
I couldn’t even estimate how many times I’ve had a guy online ask for my digits after one or two emails. Why would I give a complete stranger my phone number until I’ve at least sized him up? Even if I’m totally into his pictures, there is no way he’s getting my digits until I know everything about him. His occupation, if he has kids, where he lives, what his interests are, how big his package is. Okay, maybe not that last one. But I check the guy out as much as I can. If I’m still interested after getting to know him, my digits are all his.
Grading him on a point system
Spend all those years being the student and dreamed of being the one giving out grades? Now is your chance. I use a strict grading system to judge men. If they don’t pass, I put them on ignore. Here’s how it works: for each of the following criteria, give him one point per “yes” answer and zero for a “no” answer. If he doesn’t make it to at least 8 points, he FAILS. Oh, and if the answer is “no” for the first question, it’s an automatic FAIL.
1. Was he polite and respectful in his first email/contact?
2. Based on his pictures, do you find him attractive?
3. Is his grammar acceptable?
4. Does he NOT appear to be a “player”?
5. Do you have at least some interests in common?
6. Are you both looking for the same things in a relationship?
7. Does he make you laugh?
8. Does he seem to pay attention to your profile and the things you say in email/Instant Messenger conversations?
9. Did he at least wait a while before bringing up sex in your discussions?
10. Does he seem to be “fun”?
I stick to this scoring system, without exception. When I first tested out online dating, I very quickly learned that men don’t always appear to be who they claim to be in their profile. I have become pretty good at figuring out which guys are BS’ing in their profile based on how they interact with me. I ask a lot of questions, so if they’re lying about something, I will eventually catch them. Never compromise who you are and don’t be fooled by phony men online. Stick to my grading system and you’ll be fine.
Making Sure He Is Who He Says He Is
I’m not going to claim all women are innocent, but there are a lot of men online that claim they are someone they really aren’t. They look for suckers that will fall for their BS. Some women do this too. I’ve talked to men that said they went on a date with a girl they met online that appeared to be someone she was not. But there are far more men that do this than women.
A few years ago, I was relatively inexperienced with online dating. I had only met maybe 2-3 guys I chatted with online at this point. I received the sweetest email from a somewhat attractive guy. We chatted for a while. He made me laugh. We seemed to have a lot in common – most notably our love for art. Hey, I’m a sucker for artsy guys. After a few days, he asked me out for dinner. I couldn’t say no, he was cute, funny, sweet, and loved art. The perfect man! Well, that’s what I thought.
When I showed up for the date, he was dressed like a complete slob. I was willing to look past that. Sure, it shows me he’s not into looking good for his woman, but he was still my (almost) perfect man. Or so I thought. Dinner was a complete disaster. The waitress (she was new) wasn’t giving us the best service. He flipped out on her twice. Very rude. We went to one of those trendy restaurants where you’re always going to see beautiful people. Let’s just say he noticed every attractive woman that walked in.
Every time a good looking girl with a slender body walked by, I could tell he was fantasizing about what he’d like to do to her. He made it ridiculously obvious. Some guys are good about only moving their eyes to checkout a girl’s ass when they’re on a date. Not this guy. His whole head would make 90 degree turn and he would stare for a good 3 seconds. I’m sorry, but when I’m on a date with a guy, I expect his attention to be on me. If it’s not, that clearly shows me he’s not interested. The guy that seemed so sweet, charming and funny was anything but. He was so smooth online, and such a dud offline.
Why this disaster could have been avoided
I never asked for his personal information before agreeing to go on a date. I should have insisted on seeing his Facebook profile. I didn’t even know his last name. He was just “John” to me. For all I know, John may not have actually been his name. Maybe he goes online preying on women to hook up with. I should have asked him to prove who he was prior to the date. If he were to refuse, I could have and should have told him to bug off.
I agreed to go on a date with him before really getting to know him. He seemed charming and funny in his emails. Never once did I stop to think “maybe I should start asking him more personal questions”. I was so into our discussion that the thought never crossed my mind. What most women don’t realize is a lot of guys online copy and paste email templates to send to women. Or they ask their buddy what to say. When you’re communicating over the Internet, it gives him time to either think up a decent answer or ask someone else for a good way to respond.
In my profile, I indicated my love for art. After going back and checking this guy out following our date, there wasn’t even a single mention about being interested in art. Clearly, he took a look at my profile and realized art is a passion of mine, so he sent me these bogus emails talking about art in a way to butter me up. He was just trying to get down my pants. I should have seen right through that.
Looking back on it, he seemed too good to be true. Here I was, an inexperienced online dater, and I’ve got the most perfect guy after me. If “John” really was half as good as he seemed online, he would have been any girl’s Prince Charming. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great guys out there (online and offline). I’m far from a man-hater. But this guy was absolutely perfect. Sometimes certain things are just too good to be true.
3 Changes I Have Made Since My Disaster Date
1. After a few emails, if I seem to like the guy, I ask him to Facebook me. If he declines my friend request or refuses to give it to me, he won’t ever hear from me again.
2. Before meeting in person, I ask for a cell phone number so he can text me a picture of himself. I might even make him take the picture right then and there and ask him to stick his thumb up in the photo for verification.
3. Before I consider giving him my digits, I ask for his full name so I can do a background check on Google. If he won’t tell me his name, he’s hiding something and he won’t be getting with me.
Don’t fall prey to an online womanizer. And don’t let this article scare you away from online dating. There really are great guys online too. Many of them. I know because I’ve met plenty. Just follow the above advice and maybe you won’t have to go through another disaster date.
7 Signs He’s Not Mr. Right
Avoid future pain, and ditch the guy before you even give him a chance.
If you’re chatting with a guy online and catch ANY of the following signs, ditch him immediately. You’ll save yourself unnecessary pain down the road.
1.His type is everyone…even your mother, grandmother, sister, cousin, sister’s neighbor’s dog, uncle’s brother’s wife’s mother’s brother…
Online dating allows you to let the dating community know what type of man/woman/tranny you’re looking for. I’ve seen profiles from guy’s that were so open-minded (desperate), they covered every type of woman in their profile. Why narrow down the field to a limited amount of women when you can have everyone?
2.He just wants to be friends (with your vagina)…
If a guy you’ve been chatting with online wants to get together with you, he’s already had sex with you in his mind. That’s okay, you’ve probably already had sex with him in your mind. However, most of us are looking for a relationship BEFORE the sex. Guys that are online NOT claiming to be looking for a relationship only want sex. So if he asks to “hangout” with you despite saying all he’s looking for is “friends”, he really just wants to make friends with the inside of your panties.
3.He has no arrogance to him…
I don’t like an arrogant guy, but I do want to be with someone that has at least some swagger to them. Guys like to talk themselves up – even if it’s all BS. If you find a guy that doesn’t, in the slightest bit, talk about how awesome he is, he probably really isn’t awesome. Most likely, it’s a lack of confidence and who wants to date an unconfident guy?
4.He whines like your BFF …
Guys that think they have a right to act like us irritate me. Whining is what WE do best. Immediately 86 any guy that constantly complains about the weather, his job, school, his mom, the kids at school that make fun of him because he still wets the bed, or anything else you don’t give a rip about.
5.He compares everything (including you) to hot celebrities…
Megan Fox, Jennifer Anniston, Gisele Bundchen – I’m completely straight but I’d still do them. So I’m well aware of how smokin’ hot they are. Every guy fantasizes about getting down their pants. And when a guy compares you, in any way, to one of them (or other hot celebrities), it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Ever met a guy that is beyond fixated with these hot celebrities? They’re a royal pain in the ass. I dated a guy that always wanted me to have my hair styled like Jennifer Anniston and begged me to grow a booty like J-Lo’s. I could only take so much. I kicked him to the curb not one minute too soon.
6.He has 20 photos and they’re all the same…
Photos can be deceiving. Even the most hideous men could take a picture at the perfect angle to make them appear respectable. I’m not shallow, but I want a guy that takes care of himself and doesn’t try to hide things from me. What’s the purpose of posting multiple photos taken at the same angle in the same light? I’ll tell you what it is – he’s hiding something. He found the perfect angle. And he knows he needs to post more than one picture of himself online or women are unlikely to contact him. If he rotated his head a half inch, he knows the camera is going to pick up on that giant patch of acne, or his yellow teeth.
7.The ‘ol “I don’t have a specific type” answer…
Everyone has a type and for any guy to claim they don’t is just silly. One guy I chatted with online claimed to not have a type. He was open minded. As long as the girl was “friendly, faithful, and fun” (nice alliteration there) he would give her a chance. I just had to call him out on his BS. So I pushed him by asking if he would still date me if I were 250 pounds. His responded in the predictable “you’re not are you?” manner. But what if I’m “friendly, faithful, and fun”? It shouldn’t matter how large I am. Shortly after, I told him my ex had left me for an older woman. That’s when his lie was officially exposed. “I’ve always had a thing for older women. It’s been a fantasy of mine for years to date one”. Clearly, he has no “type”, right? WRONG!