Basic Dating Strategy – Diversification
Online dating is (for a man), a mix between investing and being a salesman. We all know that smart investors diversify their portfolio. They don’t pick one investment vehicle, throw all of their money into it, and hope for the best. When you sign-up for just one online dating site, you’re limiting your potential for yielding positive results. That’s not to say you can’t meet the right woman on the first site you sign-up for. Maybe you will. However, in our experience, men that are active on 3-4 sites have much higher success rates.
What does sales have to do with online dating? It’s is a mixture of getting your product out there in front of as many potential buyers as possible, and being able to convince those buyers to purchase your product. When you sign-up for multiple dating sites, there’s still no guarantee you will so much as meet a girl. Just like when you’re selling a product, you might pitch that product to 500 ready buyers and not land a single sale. Attracting women online is more than just numbers, but make no mistake, numbers do play a factor.
Don’t just create a profile on multiple sites…
Having a profile and not being an active member will do you no good. When I first started using online dating sites, I figured I would just sign-up and the emails from women would come rolling in. One day went by – no emails. No big deal, I figured. The next day – same thing. Still wasn’t worried. Then day three, four, five, six, twenty, thirty, etc. Not a single email. That’s when I realized I needed to actually put effort into it.
Being active on a site includes updating a complete profile (not a 2 sentence snippet about how awesome you are at Modern Warfare 3), searching the member directory and contacting women that interest you, and responding to your messages in a timely manner. When you’re active on 3-4 sites, this will take time out of your day. So plan accordingly. But the time you spend on it will be worth it in the end. Hey, nothing comes easy. You have to work for everything in life.
More reasons to diversify your online dating site portfolio
I’ve already mentioned my basic reasoning for being active on multiple sites. Now I’m going to give you the more specific answer – women are indecisive. There are so many factors that come into play when women determine if they think you’re a suitable mate. Many of those factors are completely out of your control. It could be “that time of the month” when you contact her, or maybe she just got out of a tough relationship.
No matter how great your profile is and how strong your pickup lines are, sometimes there’s no way the woman you contact is going to even give you the time of day. Let’s face it – women have a tendency to not be able to make up their minds. So you need to be contacting many different women until you find the one that is in the right frame of mind and will give you a shot. That is exactly why you should be active on multiple sites. Diversify your online dating portfolio, sell yourself, and start scoring some dates!
Creating a Killer Dating Profile
We men don’t always think like women do. Take a look at the profiles of different women on your dating site. Who are you going to contact? Probably the ones with the pretty face and the smoking hot body. Women are more likely to contact a guy that is less physically attractive, yet has an awesome profile, than a more attractive guy with a crummy profile. The best way to get women to initiate contact with you first is by writing a killer profile.
Here’s an example of a TERRIBLE dating profile. Only face shots, boring-as-hell description. All of the right components for FAILURE.
Here’s a pic of the ENTIRE SUPER COMPLEX female decision matrix when she GLANCES OVER your profile:
If women can’t find your profile, content doesn’t even matter
Let’s say you’ve created an awesome profile. Great. You’ve only won half the battle. When users search the member directory for their perfect match, they use criteria to narrow down the list. So if a girl wants a male that is 30-40 years old, enjoys poetry, doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t live in his mom’s basement, she will receive a list of profiles that match this criterion. If your profile attributes do not match any of those, she won’t ever so much as see your profile. Choose the attributes that the type of woman you desire is likely to seek.
How do you know what attributes a woman desires? Simple. If you’re into tomboys, for example, she’s likely to be attracted to men that are into sports. A tomboy isn’t going to want an artsy guy. Just like you wouldn’t want a sports-hating woman if you were a sports junkie. The next part of creating a killer profile is to use a nice photo of yourself.
Wait, I thought you said looks don’t matter?
Looks do matter. You’re an idiot if you think otherwise. In fact, they matter a lot. Most women make their FIRST yes / no decision based on your profile pic. Take it easy, slick, don’t go running away because you’re not Brad Pitt. I’m not either, yet I still have tons of success meeting women online. Men are more visual than women. We see a hottie and the first thought is “must…contact her…now!” Women see an attractive guy, smile, and immediately go read every last word of his profile before deciding if they want to contact him.
That’s the thing – women care more about the content of the profile. However, they will be turned off immediately if your picture portrays you as a complete slob. All you have to do is comb your hair, dress decent, and smile. That will be good enough to at least get her to read what you have to say. Oh, and no shirt on in your profile picture means no love.
Here’s an example of a GREAT dating profile. Can you spot why it’s so good?
Convincing her to buy what you’re selling
You are the product. She is the customer. This is the mentality I have when attempting to attract women online. I’m always trying to sell myself in a manner that women are receptive to. No, I’m not some skuzzy salesman trying to fleece my way into her pants. I’m simply doing my best to give her reasons why she should buy, err, give me her digits. That’s how a good salesman would sell any type of product. Find customers that are interested in your product and then tell them why they should buy.
So how do you convince her that you’re a suitable mate? By writing a profile that is positive, humorous (bring out the funny!), interesting, original and not full of crap. Check your arrogance at the door. Ditto for negativity. Women dig men that have a sense of humor, confidence (not cockiness), and have a little bit of creativity. Women are forced to read the same, contrived boring profiles over and over again. “I love long walks on the beach, playing golf, going to the bars with my friends, and pwning no0bz on my PS3”. How could any woman NOT be impressed by that type of profile?
Be different than the other guys online. Go into detail about the activities you enjoy and the things you are passionate about – unless that passion happens to be for playing video games into the wee hours of the morning. As long as the activity would interest the women you are trying to attract, talk about it. Remember when your high school Art teacher told you to “let your personality shine”? You may have ignored her back then (I did), but you should not ignore me when I say that to you now. Put that awesome personality of yours on display in your profile. If you’re a boring dude, well, stop being so boring.
How long is too long, and how little is too little?
Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about the size of your content. This article, for example, is too long to keep her attention. If this article were my profile, she would have moved on to the next guy by now. So if your profile content exceeds the amount of words I’ve written up to this point, do some editing. With that said, a profile that is too short won’t make women care to contact you. A few sentences aren’t enough to tell her who you are and what you’re all about.
I’m not going to throw out a specific word count you should shoot for because you’re likely to wrap things up too early when you’re writing. Plus, every guy is different. Sharing your life story in detail is a bad idea because she won’t be curious to know more about you. She won’t have any reason to bother contacting you. Just keep your sentences short and to the point, mention your basic interests, and sprinkle in some humor. You’re not Chris Rock, so don’t try to be. But women are easy to humor. They laugh at the silliest little things.
Avoid These Pitfalls
Now that you know the basics to creating a killer profile, I’m going to share with you a few pitfalls to avoid. The main thing to avoid is being clichéd in your profile. “I am very romantic”. Sure you are. To quote a recent girl I met, “if I had a nickel for every guy that claimed to be romantic, I wouldn’t be searching for a Sugar Daddy”. The next most common pitfall to avoid is to post any of the following types of pics: shirtless, drunk, group (with your buddies), wearing your hat on backwards, or making a silly face. And lastly, for the sake of humanity, be honest about yourself. If you wet your pants just thinking about interacting with others, don’t mention you’re the life of the party. Even if lying scores you some dates, the truth will soon come out and you’ll be back online looking for another sucker.
Gaming the System – How to Always Show Up on Top of Search Results
A common mistake my fellow men tend to make with online dating is to create a profile and just hope women will contact them. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. For women to actually contact you, they need to know you exist. Until they see your profile, you’re non-existent to them. Simply creating a profile won’t guarantee ANY women on the site will see it. Imagine how disappointed you would be if you put your heart and soul into creating the most epic profile…and no one saw it. Me personally, I’d probably spend the next week drowning my sorrows in a bottle of Jack Daniels. You might react less irrational. Either way, you’re going to be upset if no women see your hard work. So here’s some advice to ensure that doesn’t happen.
Frequently update your profile
Most dating sites reward users that are active on the site. On many sites, when a user updates their profile, that bumps them to the top of the search results. What I do is slightly edit some content or change my profile picture. This has worked well for me in getting my profile back atop the search results. You have to understand that every dating site allows members to search for other members using strict filters. They can sort the list by categories such as distance from where they live, most recent to sign-on, best personality match, etc. Recent activity is another common category women sort their search result lists by. They don’t want to waste their time chasing a guy that might never even receive their message.
Being her perfect match
Another feature dating site members often have is the ability to filter out members that do not meet their “type”. If you aren’t into the things she’s into, the site will filter you out of her search results. Instead, she’ll be stuck contacting some douchebag that ends up ruining her life – all because you didn’t select the right attributes in your profile that would have been a match for her. Shame on you!
What attributes should you include in your profile? Again, this all depends on the type of girl you’re trying to attract. Are you attracted to hot, ditzy blonde chicks? If so, it’s probably best to not mention your Mensa membership. She won’t even know what that is. Heck, I barely do. Have you ever taken a marketing class? What’s the most important aspect of marketing? Knowing your audience. You need to market yourself to the audience you’re trying to sell yourself to. Whatever it is that the type of woman you’re trying to attract is likely seeking – focus on those common interests.
Dominating the search results doesn’t guarantee success
You may have gamed your way to the top of the search results, but that doesn’t mean women are going to be begging you to date them. You still need to create a killer profile that attracts the type of woman you’re into. For information on how to do that, take a look around this site for some expert profile creation advice.
Initiating Conversation With Women & Keeping Good Etiquette
You’ve put in the effort to write a killer profile. Now it’s time to do the dirty work. Knowing how to initiate conversation and getting her to respond is an art I have perfected. And because I’m such a nice guy, I’m going to share my attention-grabbing strategies…for free (you’re welcome). First things first – make sure you’re confident when making initial contact with a woman online. If you’re not, she will sense that. Drink a couple of Amstel Light’s if you have to in order to loosen up. Just don’t get drunk or you’ll be confessing your love for her in an incoherent diatribe. And unless she’s turned on by drunk guys…
Grab her attention INSTANTLY
Want to know the best way to screw up your chances of attracting a woman? Convince her to not even bother opening your email. You can pull this off in one of two ways – by creating a boring, unoriginal subject line or by typing something incredibly offensive in the subject line. Okay, maybe she will open the offensive one just for fun, but the end result will be the same – no soup for you! Get her attention right away – in a good way – with a catchy subject line AND email introduction.
“I will be your Knight in Shining Armour” will get her to open the email. Then she will forward it on to her girlfriends to laugh at you. “OMG, Kristy, checkout this loser! Talk about cheesy! LOL!”. That’s what she will be sending to her girls if you send her an email with that headline. Stick to something more creative that doesn’t include a cheesy cliché. “I promise I’m not a pervert!” is one I’ve had great success with. At first glance, it seems kind of cheesy, but it makes women giggle. They get so many emails from perverted guys, this subject line will make them want to read on.
Once you get her to open the email, you have to keep her attention. If your email doesn’t strike her interest within a few seconds after opening it, she’s gone, and you’re finished. The goal of an email is to get her to read the whole thing and want to reply with something other than “I’m going to have my big bad bouncer friend come over to your house an smash your face in you piece of crap!”
Personalize your message
If you ask any female online, they will tell you the biggest no-no of emailing her is to write an obviously canned/copied message. Read her profile word-for-word. Read it again. Then again. Memorize it if you have to. Know her better than she does. Then email her. The content of your email should mainly be about your common interests. When you mention things directly from her profile, she knows you’re not copying and pasting the message. I strongly advise against copying and pasting, but if you simply cannot come up with something, use the following templates. Make sure you fill in the blanks!
Subject: I promise I’m not a pervert!
I know you’re getting bombarded with emails from guys informing you of their sexual prowess. I’ll throw you a curveball here – I see you’re into (insert activity). How long have you been doing that? I’m a bit inexperienced, but maybe you could teach me a few pointers. Anyway, just wanted to say I liked your profile and would love to chat with you soon. Take care!
Subject: Probably Not Your Perfect Match … but …
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have any cheesy pickup lines. Instead, I’ve got something even better – some advice on (activity from her profile). Looks like you’re enthusiastic about it, so here’s a free tip – (1-2 sentence advice). That’s my last bit of free advice for now. The next one will come when I’m lucky enough for you to allow me to take you out on a date! Talk soon!
Explaining the Email Templates
Pay attention to the things I said and how I said them. They were done in a friendly manner with mild humor mixed in. The entire purpose of them is to get a conversation going. Once you get the conversation started, you’ll feel much more relaxed. These are low pressure emails that are not cocky and show you paid attention to her profile. Another thing I avoided in the emails was to compliment her on her looks. I can’t stress this enough – women are actually turned off by random strangers that compliment their looks. It doesn’t matter if they’re meeting you in a bar or online. Attractive women are complimented constantly, and it annoys them.
Complimenting a woman in an initial email is fine, as long as it relates to something other than her looks. Compliment her sense of humor (if she has one). Mention something she said in her profile that made you chuckle. Or compliment her on how she seems to be a great writer. Just don’t mention her looks. When you tell a female she’s super hot, you’re automatically submitting to her. She will use that against you and play you like a fool. If she’s an attractive girl, she’s going to want to know why you’re not telling her how hot she is like every other guy. As strange as it seems, this will actually make her want you more. Save the “you look beautiful” for your date.
Before clicking “Send”…
Sometimes something you write sounds awesome while you’re typing it up. After you read it back, you may learn that it completely sucks. Before you send her the email, read it back a few times to be sure it sounds good. If it doesn’t, edit it. The email should be perfect. That means no grammatical or spelling errors, a catchy subject line and introduction, and content that is short and sweet. Anything less will result in no response from her.
Three Surefire Ways to Ask for & Receive Her Digits
I’m often asked how I’ve been successful at getting digits from women online. Quite frankly, I’ve tested every strategy for attracting women online. What I’ve learned is online dating is an art. You have to know what attracts women and how to initiate contact. In some ways it’s very similar to attracting women offline. In other ways, the “art” is completely different. To master that art of asking for and receiving a girl’s digits online, use these 3 methods…
1.Start with a catchy, friendly, and humorous 1st email
You can’t ask a girl for her number before getting to know each other a bit. And you can’t get to know her if she won’t even respond to your initial message. Send her an email with a catchy subject line, creative introduction, and a personalized message. No cheesy pickup lines, comments about how nice of a rack she has, or pictures of your junk. Instead, go for the humorous, confident (not cocky), and personal approach.
Originality is also important. Let’s face it – attractive women are going to have dozens of men contacting them everyday. How many of those men do you think even get a reply from her? I’d guess it’s less than 10%. Women are looking for the guy whose email and profile stand out amongst the rest. If your email is the same canned garbage as the other dudes contacting her, she’s not going to respond. Keep it short and sweet, and make sure to grab her attention right off the bat. If you start out with “Hi there, you are really pretty”, she’s not reading the rest of your email. And if she sees an email that looks like a novel, the content quality of the email won’t even matter.
2.Keeping the conversation flowing
If you’re skilled enough to be one of the 10% (estimate) of men that actually get a response back from women, you’ve done the hardest part. Now it’s time to prove to her she made the right choice in responding. My first email is always written in a way that makes it easy for me to get a conversation flowing. I read her profile and look for certain interests we have in common. Then I ask her a question related to that interest in the first email. What this does is show her I paid attention to her profile and it makes her interested in responding.
Once she responds, now it’s up to start building rapport with her. I do this by continuing to show her I know a thing or two about the subject matter I mentioned in the first email. Since I know she’s interested in the subject, she will enjoy discussing it. After a couple of emails, I try to shift the conversation to some more personal topics, so we can get a feel for each other. I want to know early on if this girl is even worth my time. And I need to make sure I’m getting the conversation to a point where we exchange numbers as quickly as possible. I don’t want some other guy beating me to it. Here’s an example of a conversation I recently had with a girl that turned into an offline date soon after (her first response followed my initial email).
“Yes, I do love the NBA. I’m a big fan of the Knicks. What about you?”
“Uh-oh, we might have problems here! I’m a Nets fan. You won’t hold that against me, will you?”
“LOL, naw I won’t hold it against you. I like the Nets too. Do you ever go to any games?”
“I do get to quite a few games. In fact, I’ve got tickets to the game against the Heat on Saturday. What do you say you come with and we can heckle LeBron James together!?”
3.When and how to ask for her digits
The above example should give you an idea of how to ask for digits. My advice is to do everything you can to get the conversation to a point where the time is right to ask her out, as quickly as possible. Like I said above, she has other guys contacting her. Most of them are too afraid to ask her out. But eventually they will. The faster you get her digits, the better off you will be.
The best way to ask for a phone number is in a subtle manner. Take a look at my example above. She asked me if I went to any games, so I concluded she either goes to NBA games or would enjoy going to one. I didn’t just come out and say “hey, can I have your digits?” This isn’t High School. I asked her in a non-threatening way to come to a game with me, and mixed in a little humor on the end. It probably made her laugh.
Knowing when to ask for digits is a bit more tricky than knowing to ask. You need to get a feel for the girl. Is she the type that seems protective? If so, you’re going to have to work a bit harder on her. She will want to know everything about you before she’s willing to give you her phone number. As you become more experienced, knowing when to ask will come natural to you. To be honest, you just “know”. If her responses are positive and she genuinely seems like she’s into you – go in for the kill!